Let’s Talk About Rapport
I hold a stance of health that includes way more than just the food on our plates. I look at myself and my clients from a holistic perspective – body, mind, heart, and soul.
Today I wanted to share a bit about the concept of rapport and its relation to our health.
By definition, rapport is:
"a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well."
I would like to extend the frame and focus on rapport with self. Yep, that's right …. having "a close and harmonious relationship with self to understand feelings or ideas and communicate well."
But what exactly does that mean to have "rapport with self?"
Rapport with self can be on several levels.
First, there is a rapport with your physical body. How at home do you feel in your body? Do you like it? Does it seem like an enemy sometimes, turning against you and making you feel bad? How well do you know your body? We are often preoccupied with our bodies yet utterly unaware of how they work. We tend to ignore them when they work fine and then curse them when they don't. We often neglect the messages they send us. Take a pause for a moment… What is your body telling you right now about your physical comfort, your alertness, your digestion?
Next, there is rapport between the different parts of our mind. Have you ever noticed that there are different "parts" of us, often wanting different things? One part might want to binge-watch Netflix, while another part wants to walk the dog. One part wants ice cream, and the other part wants to get out and meet up with friends. OMG, right? It is crazy-making! Rapport here means recognizing the conflicting parts and working with each to get their needs met by fulfilling the positive intention that drives each part.
There is also the idea of rapport between body and mind. Health comes from the body and mind working together. Just notice how much our thoughts have real physical effects on our bodies. When you are having stressful thoughts, see how your body tightens. The mind affects the body. Now let’s look at the reverse - how the state of our body can affect our thoughts. Ever notice when you aren’t happy with your body, your thoughts are consumed by negative judgment about it? Ugh. It can seem like a vicious loop.
So how DO you go about creating rapport with self?
One of the first places to start is acknowledging "what is" without trying to change it. If it means you have back pain, it means acknowledging that and being aware of it. If you want to lose weight, it means acknowledging that and being aware of it. It doesn't mean shaming yourself or criticizing yourself. It does not mean putting unreal expectations on yourself. That just causes all kinds of negativity.
Rapport with self starts with saying, "OK, this happened." It includes holding a stance of respect and appreciation for oneself, both in the past and in the present. It involves having understanding and compassion for yourself, especially when you wish something had been different. Rapport with self involves "including" all of our experience, including all the painful, yucky, wish-it-didn't-happen kind of experiences. This maneuver of “including” helps us to no longer be at odds with ourselves. When we are fighting with ourselves, no one wins, right?
When we are able to have more rapport with self, we become more aligned with who we are. Our attention is then more available to focus on the changes we want for ourselves - whether it be to lose weight, experience more joy, have more fulfilling relationships, etc. Life just begins to feel easier. Who doesn't want that?
I am curious….
How is your rapport with self?
In what ways do you have a “close and harmonious relationship” with yourself?
What do you need to practice “including” so that you can experience more rapport?
Tell me more about your health journey.